What's your love language?

When do you feel most loved by your partner? What do you most often request from him/her? In what way do you regularly express love to your mate?

Exploring these questions is a great way to begin identifying what Gary Chapman refers to as your "love language". His book The 5 Love Languages is worth picking up but in the meantime, here's an overview:

Your love language refers to the way you prefer to give and receive love. Your partner has their own love language too. Deeper connections and a richer exchange of love result when we learn to speak each other's love language. This isn't a perfect science, just one more tool to enhance your relationship.

1.Words of Affirmation
This is the language of positive feedback, compliments, supportive statements and overall verbal affirmation. Kind words, humble statements or a thoughtful card are what make some thrive and feel most loved. This may not be how you operate but if your partner expresses their love this way, chances are it's their language. Try giving one, sincere compliment per day and see what happens.

2. Quality Time
Simply put, this means focused attention. If this is what you most often request from your partner, this might be your primary love language. Quality time includes conversation, shared experiences and intentional efforts to set aside time for each other. A simple starting point might be to take 10 minutes a day to share three things that have happened to you and how you feel about them.

3. Receiving Gifts
Folks are sometimes confused by this one. It's really all about the symbolism. The gift doesn't have to be big or fancy, just the thought or motivation behind it. Symbols are full of emotional value and if this is your love language a gift is truly a visual symbol of love. If you're trying to figure out how to speak this language don't wait for a special occasion to do it. Consider making a gift or even offering the gift of your full presence.

4. Acts of Service
Doing things for your spouse that you know they would like you to do is an act of service. If done in a POSITIVE spirit performing an act of service can be a powerful expression of love. Perhaps you'll walk the dog so your mate can sleep in or offer the surprise of a home cooked meal. Whatever the case, remember to think it through and keep it simple. Also, learning to speak this language does not mean being a doormat or allowing yourself to be manipulated or disrespected. Remember the intentions behind your actions but keep it balanced.

5.Physical Touch
Everyone needs physical contact, but for some, it's an even more important expression of love. It can make or break a relationship. If your partner is the type who likes to be touched makes a point to sit a little closer, take their hand or brush up against them. Those who speak the language of physical touch will most likely need to be held close during times of crisis and may have a hard time feeling supported if they aren't. Take the time to ask how your partner likes to be touched.

Each time we reach out to our partner by speaking their love language a deposit is placed in an emotional bank account. During times of stress withdrawals are made and it's important to have something to fall back on. Some of these ideas may be hard to act on, but when an action doesn't come naturally to you, it's an even greater expression of love. Meeting your partner's need for love is a choice you can make each day!